[Review] Limited Edition Ultimate Butter Ritz

And now, a list of things I will never be able to enjoy again thanks to Ultimate Butter Ritz:

  1. Buttered noodles
  2. Butterbeer from the Harry Potter series
  3. Butter rum ice cream
  4. Butters from South Park
  5. Butter sculptures
  6. Butternut squash
  7. Butterball turkey
  8. Mrs. Buttersworth’s maple syrup
  9. The rap hit “Truffle Butter” by Nicki Minaj featuring Drake and Lil Wayne
  10. Butterflies

After eating Ritz Ultimate Butter Crackers, I can’t stand the thought of tasting butter ever again. I don’t want to see it. I don’t even want the smell of butter to enter my personal airspace and waft across my nostrils.

If you ever want to make sure you’re still a normal human being, just glance at that list above, and if you think to yourself, “Wow, that is a lot of butter,” you’re good. And guess what? The butter-loving sickos at Nabisco would still think there’s not enough of it.

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I’m not sure how a “fresh stack” differs from the normal Ritz packaging other than the number of crackers per bag, but there’s nothing to keep fresh here since these crackers don’t actually contain any butter at all. Oh yes, that’s right. 100% artificial butter flavor, baby! If Orville Redenbacher ever decides to make his own novelty brand of deodorant, he can just grind these crackers into a fine powder and send it straight to CVS. The smell is that strong.

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Other than the pungent buttery aroma, these crackers don’t seem much different from normal Ritz crackers at first. They look the exact same, with some visible salt crystals sprinkled across the surface of each one. With the first bite, the familiar flaky texture of Ritz stands out, and there’s nothing particularly striking about the taste.

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Then, the butter flavor hits like a tidal wave. It’s impossible to even taste the salt because the artificial butter in these crackers is so overpowering. These actually taste like someone took one of those little butter faucets from a movie theater and just ran some Ritz under it for, oh I don’t know, an hour. There is no depth of flavor to these crackers—no saltiness, no sweetness, just pure butter. The worst part is that the flavor just sits in your mouth when you’re done. You’ll want to have some Listerine handy.

If you really enjoy (and I mean really enjoy) butter, you might like these. At the very least, the light crunchy texture of Ritz is enjoyable. But if you ask me, normal Ritz are already buttery enough as it is. Someone might want to tell Nabisco that it is possible to have too much of a good thing.

On an unrelated note, do you guys think Cub Foods will let me exchange 7.5 fresh stacks of Ultimate Butter Ritz for another bag of S’mores Crispy M&Ms?

Item: Limited Edition Ultimate Butter Ritz
Price and Place of Purchase: $2.99 at Cub Foods
Size: 11.5 oz. package
Nutrition Facts (serving size-5 crackers): 80 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 milligrams of potassium, 10 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.
In a Nutshell: These crackers have the same great texture of normal Ritz, but take “ultimate butter” to the extreme. Currently attempting to figure out the exchange rate between fresh stacks and M&Ms. Ultimate Butter Ritz leave your mouth feeling like you’ve just brushed your teeth with a tub of Country Crock.
Overall Score: 3 out of 10

Our friends at Junk Banter also reviewed Ultimate Butter Ritz. Check it out!

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Comments

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4 comments
  1. I’m eating these now. They are awful! I need something to get the taste out of my mouth.

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