When I was a kid, I was obsessed with anything that tasted like watermelon. The pinnacle of my obsession was Wild Watermelon Pop Tarts. They were incredible. I ate them by the box as part of a complete breakfast consisting of nothing but Wild Watermelon Pop Tarts.
I’ll never forget the food that killed my watermelon obsession: a bag of watermelon-flavored glazed popcorn (something like this). I remember thinking even as a 6-year-old that something about that sugary, hot pink popcorn just didn’t seem right. I ate it anyway. Then I became very ill and spent the rest of the night curled up next to the toilet in my footie pajamas.
These days, my food obsession is Oreo cookies. I’ve reviewed a couple for this blog, and have eaten at least 20 other varieties because #iifym or something. But I have to admit, there are a few flavors I’ve missed over the years. Recently, I was browsing the Internet for Oreos in my spare time (like a normal person) and found Cookie Dough Oreos for sale at Target.com. I was intrigued, since I had never had them before. I figured they were probably old–it was just a matter of how old. That question was answered when they showed up on my doorstep: best by January 11, 2015. “Hmm,” I said to myself. “I probably shouldn’t eat these.”
Welp, some idiots just never learn. Let’s have some expired Cookie Dough Oreos!
Nabisco Limited Edition Expired Cookie Dough Oreos contain expired chocolate wafers and an expired cookie dough creme, made with expired chocolatey chips. Time didn’t affect the smell of the cookies at all, and when I opened the package I was greeted with an aroma that was part vanilla, part cocoa. These cookies actually smelled a lot like real cookie dough.
My first bite can be summarized into a simple list of pros and cons. Pro: I survived. Con: I may or may not have just lost a chunk of my front tooth. These Expired Cookie Dough Oreos are beyond stale, and trying to break the expired wafers felt like splitting a wooden board. Even worse, the expired creme has solidified into a borderline chewy substance. Although…it’s close to the consistency of actual dough, so maybe that’s a good thing?
In terms of the flavor, the expired wafers have virtually no chocolate flavor left. It seems like the wafers’ flavor fades with time, such as 1.5 years past the expiration date. The taste of the expired creme actually isn’t terrible–there is a nice vanilla and brown sugar flavor, which lingers into the aftertaste. I was actually surprised at how closely that flavor combination reminded me of cookie dough, even after all these years. I wasn’t able to pick up on any flavor from the chocolatey chips, and they didn’t provide any textural difference either. I’m guessing they were more for appearance than anything.
The overall experience of eating these Limited Edition Expired Cookie Dough Oreos was pretty rough. The texture was awful, and it seemed like the flavors (especially the chocolate wafers, and possibly the chocolatey chips) faded so much that all I could taste was vanilla and brown sugar. Having said that, I actually…didn’t hate them? The creme flavors I was able to pick out actually reminded me of cookie dough, and I think I probably would have enjoyed these back in 2014.
I’m honestly somewhat bummed that I didn’t dislike these Oreos more. Sure, they weren’t great, but they were (kind of) edible and I lived to write this review. Unfortunately, I’m left to wonder what they tasted like during their original run. For now though, I should probably throw the rest of these away. Okay, maybe just a couple more…
|Item:||Nabisco Limited Edition Expired Cookie Dough Oreo|
|Price and Place of Purchase:||$2.99 on Target.com|
|Nutrition Facts (serving size-2 expired cookies):||140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.|
|In a Nutshell:||I purchased Cookie Dough Oreos knowing they were expired and ate them anyway. Currently reevaluating my life.|
|Overall Score:||4 out of 10|
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