For years, I’ve wanted to go on a reality TV show. I don’t mean one of those fluffy love shows like The Bachelorette. I’m talking about the gritty, cutthroat, do-or-die shows like Survivor. You know, the shows where people are stranded on remote islands for over a month with nothing but a tarp over their heads and tainted drinking water that gives them symptoms much like eating two pints of Fiber One ice cream.
My favorite part of Survivor is always the eating challenges, when the contestants have to eat some nasty or dangerous food–spiders, scorpions, whatever. If you ask me, the food challenges have always lacked the most dangerous food known to man: chewy granola bars. Have you ever tried eating one of those suckers without a glass of milk nearby? You might as well be writing your own death sentence. One minute you’re stuffing your fat face thinking nothing of it, and the next you’re gasping for air with a chunk of oats lodged in your dry throat while the Quaker Man himself laughs his ass off at you. Not today, Quaker Man. Today, I’ll survive whatever you throw my way.
First up, Almonds & Honey. The Snackwich bar itself is incredibly soft (it was practically falling apart in my hand) and chewy. The taste, as you might expect from Quaker, is lightly sweetened oats from the first bite. A detectable nutty flavor emerges as you chew, along with some slight sweetness from the honey, but neither flavor ever overcomes the base granola taste. If you were expecting this flavor to taste like a Nature Valley crunchy granola bar or Honey Bunches of Oats, you’re pretty much right–except those are more flavorful, in my opinion.
Next, Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip. When I was a kid, I always stacked Chewy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip granola bars together for my daily snack, so I’m happy that Quaker has finally made the whole process more efficient. Like the Almonds & Honey variety, the oaty granola flavor is most noticeable. There’s a discernible peanut butter flavor too, but it’s more sweet than nutty, and tends to fade into the sweetness of the granola. The bitterness of the semi-sweet chocolate chips does occasionally stick out, but not enough to be enjoyed. Honestly, I’d rather just eat two Chewy Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip bars than another one of these.
Finally, Apples & Caramel. The smell of these Snackwich bars is incredible–they actually smell like fresh apples. A bright, tangy apple flavor hits right away, a welcome change from the heavy oat taste of the other Snackwich varieties. Sure enough, the ingredients list real dehydrated apple pieces to bring out that authentic fruit flavor. A sweet and slightly salty caramel taste comes through, too, and it’s not until the apple and caramel flavors have passed that the granola itself comes through. This is exactly the build of flavors I was hoping for from the other two Snackwich varieties–the apple/caramel combination is there in addition to the granola, not one over the other.
Well, I made it. Three Snackwich bars and I’m still here. It wasn’t easy, but I survived. I’ll take my million dollars now, Jeff Probst.
|Item:||Quaker Chewy Snackwich Bars|
|Price and Place of Purchase:||$2.98 each at Walmart|
|Nutrition Facts (serving size-1 bar):||Almonds & Honey: 170 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 105 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, 3 grams of protein.
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip: 170 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 135 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, 3 grams of protein.
Apples & Caramel: 160 calories, 45 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 95 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, 2 grams of protein.
|In a Nutshell:||All bars have an enjoyable chewy texture and are a fun new snack concept. Almonds & Honey and Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip varieties rely too much on granola flavor and don’t allow their unique ingredients to shine. However, Apples & Caramel has a fresh apple taste and salty caramel flavor. Winning a million dollars just for eating. Death by Quaker granola bars.|
|Overall Score:||Almonds & Honey: 6 out of 10
Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip: 6.5 out of 10
Apples & Caramel: 7.5 out of 10
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