[Review] Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter

(50) Days of Pumpkin: Days 8-32

No, that’s not a typo. More on that later.

If you had a time machine and could go back to any point in time, where would you go? The age of the dinosaurs? The Roman Empire? How about Victorian England, or the Wild West of the United States? Or perhaps, yesterday morning, before you decided to eat that entire Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust pizza by yourself?

If you ask me, I’d go back to some time before the Industrial Revolution. “Why would you go back to before the Industrial Revolution, Snack Cellar? Life sucked an industrial-sized turd back then.” Well, random guy who found this review via StumbleUpon and is still using StumbleUpon for some reason, I’ll tell you. See, back then, almost every form of production took a ton of physical labor, even tasks like churning butter. And in those days, as some poor guy sat there pumpin’ away at his butter churn, doubting his purpose in life, I would have loved to have stepped out of my time machine, walked right up to him, and shoved this right in his face.

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“This, Bartholomew. This is what you’re doing it for.”

Okay, sure. Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter isn’t actually butter. It doesn’t even have half of the nutritional value of butter. But butter led to the creation of peanut butter, which thanks to some fat guy’s fantasies, led to the creation of cookie butter. For those who don’t know what cookie butter is, 1) Congratulations, you’re healthier than the vast majority of Americans and 2) it’s a spreadable form of crushed up gingerbread-esque Speculoos cookies, an achievement which in my opinion is more important to the human race than the moon landing. For the second year in a row, Trader Joe’s is now offering a seasonal version of its trademark cookie butter–with a pumpkin spice twist.

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Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter looks like peanut butter, but with a slightly burnt orange tint and cookie bits and spices scattered throughout. That pumpkin spice twist I mentioned? That’d be pumpkin puree, organic pumpkin powder, pumpkin flavor, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves. Whew. The spread isn’t as firm as peanut butter, but it’s not too oily, either.

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Digging in with a spoon like the classy guy that I am, the original cookie butter base shines. It tastes like gingerbread and happiness. But almost immediately, the wave of pumpkin hits. The flavor is almost exactly like pumpkin pie filling. Basically, Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter tastes like a freshly made pumpkin pie, except the crust was swapped out for Speculoos cookies. The cookie butter/pumpkin balance here is perfection. It’s not too heavy on the pumpkin, but the cookie butter doesn’t drown out the fantastic pumpkin spice flavor either.

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I honestly can’t come up with anything negative to say about this stuff. Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter just…works. I tried it plain and on a Multigrain Club Cracker, and it was delicious both ways. The container also suggests spreading it on pancakes, waffles, ice cream, pretzels, and celery, and I fully intend to do just that.

So, back to the intro. Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter is so good that it deserves at least 25 days of the (50) Days of Pumpkin, probably more. It’s also so good that it receives the title of my first-ever 10 rating. Forget the Industrial Revolution and the dinosaurs…this is the real historic moment right here.

Item: Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice Cookie Butter
Price and Place of Purchase: $3.69 at Trader Joe’s
Nutrition Facts (serving size-2 Tbsp): 220 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 50 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein.
In a Nutshell: Crushed-up cookies and pumpkin spice in spreadable form. Making history. Industrial-sized turds.
Overall Score: 10 out of 10
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