What’s in a name? Well, when it comes to breakfast cereal…everything.
You might think this is just another one of my many boneheaded theories, and you would probably be right. But just hear me out on this one. A cereal’s name can predict your actual enjoyment of that cereal, and by extension, whether it will be a mainstay on your breakfast table.
Let’s take a look at a few examples of some actual cereal names:
- Cookie Crisp. Cookies for breakfast. Let’s not waste our time overthinking this one. Just hand me the entire box and keep the naked wolf away from me.
- Tiny Toast. Adorably sized and shaped like another great breakfast food. Sold.
- Basic 4. Sounds like a brand of motor oil. Might also be the name of a medicine that helps you take a basic #2. Either way, can’t be trusted.
That brings us to Cinnamon Star Crunch, a new cereal this holiday season from General Mills. The name tells us very little about the cereal itself, other than the fact that it’s cinnamon flavored. And I’m not sure why I’m supposed to get excited about star-shaped anything. This is the most boring mystery ever. Even worse, the name pales in comparison to the cereal it replaced (as reported by good friend @junkbanter on Instagram), Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch. That name just radiates happiness and fun and sugar. Ugh…let’s get this over with before I die of boredom.
Cinnamon Star Crunch has a heavy, almost unforgiving, corn flavor. In all honesty, the first couple of bites tasted like off-brand Corn Pops. A slightly sweet flavor set in eventually, as did the cinnamon, but neither is very strong–definitely not strong enough to make this cereal enjoyable.
In milk, Cinnamon Star Crunch does something I didn’t think was possible: it gets even worse. The corn flavor gets stronger and what little sweet, cinnamon taste was there fades into oblivion. It really just tastes like puffed corn and it’s so terribly boring. In fact, at one point I started to think I was just eating puffed corn cereal for babies, probably because I was crying like an infant at the fact that I was eating such a boring damn cereal.
Look, I try to avoid the word “boring” in reviews like the plague. Calling something “boring” is just lazy and it doesn’t help anybody. But that’s exactly why it’s so fitting to describe Cinnamon Star Crunch! This cereal is the least exciting thing to hit shelves since rolled oats, and it’s still anybody’s guess why Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was scrapped for this.
Actually, the term I used earlier might sum it up best: let’s just go ahead and call this “Boring Mystery Crunch.”
|Item:||General Mills Limited Edition Cinnamon Star Crunch|
|Price and Place of Purchase:||$2.99 at Target|
|Nutrition Facts (serving size-3/4 cup):||110 calories, 15 calories from fat, 1.5 grams of fat, .5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 120 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, 1 gram of protein.|
|In a Nutshell:||Tastes like boring corn puff baby cereal. Slightly sweet, I guess. The most boring mystery of all time.|
|Overall Score:||5 out of 10|
Junk Banter also reviewed General Mills Limited Edition Cinnamon Star Crunch. Check it out here!
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